terrible simplifiers

My head aches when i am met with the force of bureaucracy. Our heads butt and battle of rams begins.

Last week, I had the idea to do something. To finally do something. I began to mobilize. I quickly gathered my thoughts like a mother hen and formulated a clear and concise plan of action. Everything happened quickly, and smoothly. Ideas, translations, encouragement, enthusiasm, approval, it all fell into place.

So this morning, I left bright and early with my roommate to greet the new day and carry on with the plan. Everything was going so smoothly…. I should have known that "the man" was hiding right around the corner with his long arms and sticky fingers to supersede. I had forgotten the greedy eyes that watch what I do and seek to profit from my success (which could just as well mean my inward prideful eyes seeking glory and attention and all that glitters), but I was and often am too naive towards greed, and prefer to see the human and not the dollar signs, but forget that most do not.

I prefer to imagine that the big bad bullies of our world lie behind closed doors prowling like… well not like lions, because I love lions… but like hyenas, yeah hyenas who eat the carcasses of the already dead. These mean men are dark vapors in my mind, but the thing is I pass them every day on the street, I see them in the mirror on occasion, the flicker of Gollum in Smeagol (I’m a freaking nerd). So I should not have been surprised when these eyes caught sight of me, and the intention of my heart, corrupting what could be good.

I got so angry, at the wrong person, and that isn’t the right response. What should I have done? How should I respond? How am I responding by just sitting here and bitching about it? About being bullied. Well, I know that I have a mouthful for the ears that should hear, but they often don’t hear, so how can I make this voice heard.

I will be on TV tomorrow and in the media, but it’s not what I wanted. It’s not turning out how I wanted it to.

Should I just go with these punches? Hope for the best. Always hope for the best and let go of control even though I can see those hyenas standing right behind my lioness shoulder.

I hate not being able to speak Chinese.


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